Mandy

2004-02-09 8:36 p.m.

This entry will probably sound some alarm when someone reads it, but what the heck, its here to stay. Let us do a flashback…

The Hari Raya Haji break was like any other break I had, except something was missing—an outing. Yup, you would suspect that the first person I would call would be none other than Chih Hung. He did promise to meet me after he couldn’t make it during the Chinese New Year Break. The conversation across the phone however, painted a picture of a lethargic CH who just happened to have an appointment with some others on the Monday after Hari Raya. His tone had a tinge of jealousy in it, as he had to run an obstacle course and did not have to. Life is never fair, I guess, but with Chih Chih and the rest of the boys in the steaming hot island off Singapore, I felt like I was cut off from my world. My last few days were spent sitting in a room with six others which was no bigger than that of a small bedroom. Of course, I killed time by reading, but the rest of the time I tried to converse with e others. I was the only JC student there (the rest were N Level or Polytechnic graduates) and it was hard to talk at the same level. We just could not find much common ground between us. Of course as the days went by, I found one or two friends there, but things were starting to get boring. We were waiting for more than two weeks for our proper posting. While I read, most of them slept or smoked, and they considered me weird that I should be reading the whole day. Maybe it was the books—“Brave New World” and “The First World War: Myths and Realities”—or maybe it was the different backgrounds. I desperately needed to return to my old times…

So since CH was busy with others, I sat back on Saturday evening and scanned through my handphone, thinking about my school days. Something tugged me at the back of my mind, telling me that there was something incomplete. Something that was related to the ups and downs of my JC life. I dismissed it and messaged my friend from HCJC. No, she said, she had something else on Monday. Two failed plans, I thought. I guess I’ll go out alone…

So that’s what I did on Sunday. I went to all my favourite spots in the Orchard Road area—Lido Theatre, Borders, Scotts food court and Gramophone music store at Specialist Shopping Centre—and bought an Elton John CD. I still found something missing, and something disturbing. As I sat back and listened to his songs, my mind drifted back to the outings I had in 2002 and 2003. There was of course the debate outings, where the topic would shift from the motions to school life and then Bridge card games. Then there was the outings with Chih Hung, who brought me to so many movies that I lost count. If it was not movies, It would be sitting somewhere in Orchard Road discussing about me, my class or his class. Those conversations would end with him telling me all the things he and his class did and their sudden unity in JC 2.

That was what was bugging me, I realized on that Sunday evening. It’s the issues of class, class politics and class viewpoints of each individual. I had 02A05, but did they have me? I’m not saying they were horrible, but there was also 02A04 and a bunch of other Arts students. I kind of suspected my class view of me but how about the others? A04 did after all allow me to sit with them during Prom, but there was some high handedness about it which I could not uncover. I needed some other view point of me. I already had CH and Lucas perspectives, but that was far from enough. Who was I during those days, and what did I do (or what did people think I did). I aimless flipped through my handphone and stopped at a number I hardly used—Amandae. If I remembered correctly, CH told me not to bug his class and leave them as they are. However, I needed to return back to my old self and see what happened. With some great thought, I sent a message to her asking if she was free on Monday. The conversation that ensued was something I really didn’t plan and expect—a meeting with someone I hardly talked to back in NJ. We set a meeting for Saturday the 7th of February at the Coffee Bean Outlet at Holland Village. Hmm, I thought afterwards, my second outing with a girl other than Debbie.

The story didn’t end there. Due to my five and a half day week, I change the meeting time. The reply that came back gave me a jolt. Could Serene Foo come along? Without hesitation I replied affirmative. What did you just do, I asked myself. I pondered over that. Nothing, I told myself later, Serene is a nice girl. Things changed again on 050204 (the 5th of February) and the meeting was shifted to 100204 and 1930.

Then bugger it all, my new unit (9 SIB) has some reservist training which demands the services of us poor clerks. This means that I have to stay in a second hand camp somewhere in Singapore during the nights of the11th, 12th and 15th of this month. Surely there will be bunks available? Think again, its sleep in the office. So, which much regret, our meeting was to be conducted across the Internet.

Now, I am never good at Internet conversations, even when they are with people close to me. Maybe it’s the need to think and type at the same time, and I’m probably one of the worst typists. Anyway, the conversation started off as if she thought I was there to dig information out of her. Damn am I bad at stating any friendly chat. However, I popped the most pressing issue in my mind: that about my seat in Prom. Her answer, well, still really didn’t answer my question. Somehow or the other, we got down to my character in JC. Ouch, an issue which was very sensitive. Amandae told me she was “brutally honest” in what she said. It probably did give me a slight new insight into my life, but it was the form of breakaway from my NS life that I wanted. She said something like I should be more articulate and not mumble. I wonder whether I was really like that. I’m different on the debate floor and off the debate floor. She also brought up the issue of my relationship between me and her class. OK, my previous entries on me and A04 were not that exactly accurate. My stand however, still remains. I liked A04, but I never considered them as my class or had any close relationship with them. Yes, I probably did admire them and saw them as sort of the best, but they did seem to have everything going well for them.

I am really bad in talking with girls. Maybe it was because of my class maybe it was because NJ debate was male dominated, or maybe it was because of CH. Oh on aside note, Amandae seems to know my diary URL. Seems like someone must have leaked it out. Anyway, yeah, it wasn’t the kind of conversation I expected to have with her. I just don’t know how to associate with members of the opposite sex. Only towards the end, did we talk about things that were more neutral, our present lives. Amandae only works part time and live life to the fullest. She hasn’t changed a bit from JC; still the type who loves to enjoy oneself. I also asked her about the spelling of her name.

It does sound like an interrogation after you read all this. Still, it was a baby step in reaching out and finding a new friend. She is the second girl I had such a hearted conversation with, after Debbie. This remind me, I want to start on my third entry of “Girls, girls and girls.” Amandae changed what I actually wanted to argue in it. Thanks a lot Amandae, for your stinging but useful comments. You did brighten up my life for a while.

There are many songs with titles of people’s names. One that matches the title of this entry is of course the song “Mandy”. It is appropriate in this context, but I shan’t put it here. Personal reasons.

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