A whole new world

2004-02-25 9:47 p.m.

I found myself free on the afternoon of Thursday, the 19th of February 2004 as I was the duty clerk the day before staying overnight manning the Brigade Operations Room. As I headed home, I debated whether or not to go out with Amandae in the evening. My pervious plans were all interrupted because of the call of duty and I needed this short break from “Hell Week”. An ice cream palour at Holland Village was the meeting place. I’ve never heard of it before but that was fine for the time being. Of course I could have called others to join in and make it less lonely but I prefer small meetings rather than large groups. Just the two of us venturing to find some common ground was more that satisfactory . However that was not the exact story as you would discover.

The actual meeting time was 1900hrs but as I normally do, I arrived two minutes earlier. Holland Village in the evening is sort of more scenic, more of a quaint type of location. Starbucks was the meeting point, but thank goodness it was not the place we were going to eat at. I did do a quick scan of the area and wondered whether I would recognize her after so long. The evening crowd brushed past me, some lost in deep conversation, others enjoying the comfort of their partner. Many ladies strolled by, but none of them looked remotely like her. All of sudden, the same over anxious feeling that I experienced during prom night came back. It may sound crazy given that it was such a straight forward arrangement. Then Amandae came at around 1904, dress in shorts and shirt. It was she who noticed me and not the other way around. She still looked the same as before, except that she was wearing a pink hair band and glasses. As we headed off to Bellagio, an ice cream palour that I was not familiar with, she seemed to be leading the conversation. My answers to her questions were all one word answers or just nods and waves of the hand. Damn I am really bad at conversing with new friends. One of the questions she asked me was where I lived and it took me three sentences to describe the location. (Well it is usually difficult to say where I reside in as I’m not near any prominent landmark or famous road.) Then she said “oh I lived at Mount Sinai.” Now that may not sound like much, but back in my NJ days, CH would prevent me from even finding out something as innocent as home addresses. Anyway I wasn’t there to discover that. Girl leads boy on first meeting I thought, that’s wonderful. On hindsight, there was nothing unusual about that.

If I was bad at starting conversations, I was even worse when we arrived at the ice cream palour. I can’t remember the details exactly, but I believed it was she who opened the door for me. Where are you gentlemanly qualities I scolded myself. I don’t often eat ice cream when I’m out and it took me a while before I settled on my order. I very much wanted to pay for both orders, but somehow or the other, that did not occur. Second mistake.

The conversation probably eased my mood and allowed me to conduct myself normally. The first thing that cropped up was about eating habits and dieting, something we talked about a few days before across the net. I told her I loss 1 kg last week, having suffered lack of sleep and cookhouse food. Such is the life of NS. Then I cleared up some misconception on whether she was dieting or not. The next subject was about reading. For the record, I’ve finish five out of the ten books I set myself to read—refer to my booklist in one of my earlier entries. She commented that she has been looking thoroughly mainly the papers and the Economist. Well, back in secondary school, I was worse than that, finishing only two books a year and just glancing through the papers. It was the focus on studies that kept us away from other pursuits, she rationalized. In fact, Amandae seemed to have a comment or answer to everything. I told her that this was my first outing in the evening and the most I’ve ever done was to stay with the debaters past nine o’clock. Our academic pursuits kept it as such she replied. This was an entirely new level of conversation I discovered, different from what Ch and I would discuss and different from the Internet chatting with Mr. Neo. However, I was beginning to enjoy it. Somehow, we drifted to her job, which wasn’t a long term one. She said something like she was under no pressure to find a permanent job although she was heading for an internship next week. Even her classmates hated their present occupations, she noted. I argued the benefits of working during this period but I guess everyone has their own way of conducting their life. A small debate ensued over what was the best type of job to pursue. (Hint: refer back to my entry “Current Affairs”). There was a general agreement that being a waitress was not an ideal job . Teaching was what Amandae had been doing for the past month or so, and I was also keen on tutoring (if I could find the time) although I had some reservations about it. Even so teaching will be the last option in my working life. I just don’t feel the urge to teach like Wee Jian or Deborah.

We drifted back to school days, ranging the studying in the library to our two classes. We both agreed that there’s no better place to study than home and even places like the library distract you easily. The O levels cropped out and I told her about my subject combination—something which I hardly disclose to others. As for the part on our classes, the actual words are well too private to be revealed here. What I can say is that I have never revealed my true thoughts this much to anyone, not even to the boys. I usually get carried away when I’m talking about something really poignant. I may have revealed too much on hindsight, but it in fact help to clear my mind.

I did ask her about council and learnt the true workings and hardships a councillor had to face. I did have a constant admiration for the student council. The night air grew colder as time passed by, but the conversation provided warmth, a magical sort of warmth. We did stop often as she had to answer messages on her handphone but that was of not trouble to me. I did need time to think before I started my next sentence. However, Amandae’s perspective and advice did remove the issues troubling me ever since school officially ended. She mentioned that there are two friends, friends and close friends. Close friends are those you can confide to. I never really saw my friends in those two categories and that left me deep in thought. I would like to add that there are friends that you like and friends that you love. The latter type is harder to find and establish whether you should really give your full attention to. The subject of humanities scholars did crop up to and I gave her my true views of the scholars in different JCs. Frank opinions were exchanged, but I believe everything we said would be kept between us. Just hearing her cheerful voice and seeing her face made each moment so enjoyable. The cool evening air too eventually removed that awkward and anxious feeling. We touched on ACJC and the ACS family briefly, and no matter how I tired, I couldn’t sway her view that ACJC was full of superficial people. I wonder what Chris Seck and all the other ACJCians would have thought about that. I guess ten years in ACS made me feel the need to defend the school whenever the topic arose. It’s a different school from ACS (I), she noted. Some like the girls make it superficial—I can’t remember the actual words. She saw RJC as her dream JC and I saw school spirit as a key factor in choices of school. I couldn’t really say whether NJC was the true college for me. I told her I wanted a change, but the change was not what I exactly expected. In summation, we decided that we could not change the past at all but the circumstances were different for both of us. If I was in NJ in the first three months, things may well have change for me. However, there are too many “what ifs” in our lives. We just have to make do with what we have I guess.

At 0840, we moved off to Cold Storage Jelita as I had to buy some foodstuff and it was an ideal point to head home. Serene Foo incidentally, was at Cold Storage too and Amandae thought it was a good idea to meet her. I actually wished to spend more time in Holland Village with her it that tranquil surrounding. I could not have asked for a better moment for such an outing. The mention of meeting Serene caught me off guard momentarily, but I saw no harm in seeing her. In fact, another friendship could be established. As we headed to the bus stop, academic subjects dominated our conversation. We discovered how we both thought we were the strongest in History and how Mr. Loh changed our that illusion. History teachers like Mr. Mark Lo too were commented on and I told Amandae about my continued contact with Mr. LKS via ICQ and his online diary. She said” You’ve got to pass it to me one of these days”. Don’t worry, I will. Then just as the bus was approaching, she said something like” You’ve become much more articulate than during your JC days, that’s an improvement”. I didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not, but I just gave my reasons why I was so. On the bus journey, she found out more about my family, something which I don’t usually divulge to others. Yes, maybe my fighting spirit came from them, Amandae. The short bus journey may have been just like any bus ride, but I believe I found the equilibrium I wanted to exist in, the peace and quiet that I’ve been chasing after. It was for only an instant, but that rejuvenated me, and prepared me for the challenges ahead.

Serene came down from level two and Amandae helped in introductions. However, other than normal greetings, I didn’t really get to talk to her.. I left the two of them to themselves as I shopped, which reminded me of the time I walked ahead to Coronation Plaza and let CH and Debbie have their own private conversation. Shopping took less than five minutes somehow, they decided to leave. It was a sudden farewell, another unplanned thing during this outing but I decided it was time to head home too. I wanted to offer them a lift home in my car, but they disappeared quickly. As they moved of in the distance, I imagined her telling Serene all about our meeting. Once or twice, they turned back, but soon resumed their stroll home. Should I have walked them home, I wondered. I remembered back to all those television shows, where the boy would at least walk the girl to her doorstep. But this is different, I told myself. Or was it? Maybe I still don’t know exactly how to go out with girls.

A new year with many new changes. I believe I‘ve taken a small step in the right direction and have a better perspective of life now, especially with these new friends to add new views. In this two hour meeting, we touched on everything I wanted to touch on except on the issue of University and subject courses. The true story behind my placing during Prom night is still murky, but I’ve placed the matter at rest finally. Things cannot always go the way you plan it to be. I now comprehend some others in a different light and wish they could change their views of many issues too. It is hard to initiate such a change, and it is even more difficult to say when you would do so. Hearty discussions however, aid you. Our meeting was sort of like the Floating World concept, which disappears with the morning light. However, even though it was transient and I really wanted to capture the moment, it was more enriching than entertaining. Here’s to our first true meeting, Amandae, and may it not be our last. Thank you too Serene, for your company no matter how brief it was. Two hours of going out was a refreshment, and I was ready to face the next day with an optimistic attitude.

“And woman I will try express My inner feelings and thankfullness For showing me the meaning of success”--Woman by John Lennon

“You know the door to my barest soul. You're the light in my deepest darkest hour. You're my saviour when I fall.” --How deep is your love by the Bee Gees

“I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind that I put down in words How wonderful life is while you're in the world” --Your Song by Elton John

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