You should be dancing yeah

2004-05-14 9:51 p.m.

“You project a serious and awkward image of yourself when around others(at least in school).”--one of the comments from Amandae.

Wait a minute that sounds all too familiar. Wasn’t it sometime back in June of 2003 that Lucas said I didn’t respond to external stimuli? Now when two people say almost the same thing here something is definitely up. Is there any truth from these comments at all?

I’ve never wanted to talk about myself in my diary, for it would turn into a mundane description of me. However, Let us look from a broad perspective. You find a new Civics group in JC, diverse as it is. Suddenly, you find yourself swarmed with too many decisions.

Of course you stay reclusive, hide from others and seek no new buddies. People have done that and have succeeded. If you the type who is willing to open yourself to peculiar characters. Then there is no problem in assimilating and acting normal. If you are further gregarious, fine, mix with the wild crowd.

In JC, you repeat the things you did back in secondary school, albeit with the opposite sex( unless you came from a mixed school.) Staying past midnight was normal in your youth, at the age of seventeen or eighteen; you rather stay up till the sun rises. What about playing later? Note I said “play later.” I didn’t say sit and talk to no one or do nothing at all.

Speaking of no one,what if you are surrounded by individuals who don’t click well with you? Or is it you’re imagination, for they are more than they meet your eye. There’s no answer to this. Let’s say you stay on a cordial relationship with them. In come other friends.

From the new group, you pull out a few close friends. “Close “ is a lose term over here. If I’m being honest (like Simon Cowell) close friends are never close all the time. But let’s say you yak with them and find so much common ground. What about others? Do you want to work with groups or in pairs of threes? In comes your narrowed minded views again. So you try to adapt and find friendships internally and externally. Congratulations, you’ve succeeded

You act differently with you’re CCA mates, but then again who says you must put on the same In lectures, the opportunity comes to show your true self---either the shy kid or the confident student you were suppose to be. You shouted out answers even before the question finished. Are you trying to prove yourself? Maybe. Let’s hold the idea of friends here for a while. What about the things that friends do outside school? You’ve been out with numerous lunches with your CCA mates, played and lost a couple of card games with them and poured out your worries sometimes. Jokes about couples, political leaders or songs spring up.

Where’s the big group outings you looked forward too into secondary school? So you’re Civic group cannot function as one. Is it because of you, your parochial view that people must be like this before they can enter my life? Or is it you just don’t respond to different jokes and interact more?

I’ve said enough. The “you” mentioned above does not represent me. Back in JC, mornings would see me rush in too late for any sit down and talk with anyone. (What is there to talk about anyway? Most talk in NJC leads to bitching which I abhor.) Evenings would be debate preparations or shootings (verbally) by teachers who just don’t comprehend the actions of us teenagers. Dusk has settled and the sun has moved away. Night life during week days sees studious people complete tutorials ahead of time. Night life when there’s nothing to do would see me venture outside my house, focus on insects flirting or crawling , trying to compose some poem about their movement without avail. Other times, I stretch studies past the witching hour , which is just tranquil in my view. I sit up, read the last of elasticity or Chulalongkorn final years and doodle on the stacks of foolscap papers I invest in. The neighborhood sleeps too early, save the party savvy house which fills my window. I imagine the real company that I could be with, stroll around and then fall asleep. Back in the ever dead corridors of NJC, my smiles at people I know go unnoticed—especially in my second year. The thought of studies push aside the thoughts of why others just don’t talk to me anymore. Doors bring another chance. Either you put on your gentlemanly act and hope the girls remember your face or you just charge in , and in the process cause screaming and giggles from females who just wanted to exit and not enter.

Oh yes weekends. Let’s revert back to the “you” sort of narrative again. (Mr. Whitby should consider this a Second Person Narrative though no author I know bothers with it.) You train on Saturday so using simple maths , you have the rest of the day plus Sunday free. Now if you don’t go out, you can say ”all work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” Then you can say, you should have let loose, gone wild and play the night away. You should have, provided you weren’t distraught over some trigo question or how to compose an argument for a cost and production essay. Reality check: who said the weekend was for studies? Time, you fool! Where did your time management go? But I used it wisely, others may have played, but they never completed any proper work.

The mysterious phrase clubbing comes to your ears. Yeah, you’ve seen it in the movies, so let’s see if it true. No, you’re not going on a summer holiday, not when your JC loves to schedule lessons when you should be playing. My response: it wasn’t my fault. It was all circumstances. Circumstances shaped me the way I was, am and will be. I try to fight circumstances, but fate sometimes decides a rocky path for me. With God to guide me this year, I feel much more refreshed and confident. I guess we all have our unlucky moments and flat roads. Chih Hung can testify to that.

Enough said. The past is the past. I’m a Johnny come lately in certain areas. I’ve never been exactly what the two quotes above say. I fit within the crowd not all the time. Still, I’m open to new ideas, new friends, if only they would do so too. If you want to ask me out, by all means do so. There are many ways to contact me. It just that that never happens. I act too serious? That’s my typical trait. There’s little harm in that. So how about clubbing? I’ve been asked once, but it wasn’t a right moment. People don’t believe I can act like others. To twist a debater’s quote” Just because I don’t do it doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it.” You’ll will see me soon enough. Right now, I’m just blessed with friends like my ACS mates, NJC school mates and SG Thirteen, a bubbly group from the lovely Living Waters Methodist Church.

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